TARA'S STORY

"I was born in France.  

I grew up in a loving family, with its average amount of traumas and drama.

At 16 years old, I asked to see a therapist. 

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After graduating as a physical therapist,

I could not sign up for the expected track of private practice, career and so on.

I just felt there was something else for me.

To live, to feel and to be.

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First I walked the earth, all over the world, in the silence of the Sahara,

the wild Amazon,  the top of the Himalayas... for weeks at a time… searching...

feeling and observing the world.

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I had genuine questions:

How does it feel to sleep under the stars in front of the Everest?

Who do you become, as a person, when you live in desert?

Do you love differently when you wake up by -30 degrees for five months in a row? 

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​I kept on searching for silence. 

Places where one does not speak so much to communicate.

Nothing was pure enough, wild enough, remote enough.

Until I found the nomads and lived with them.

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No road, no electricity, just the earth and me.

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There, a foreign woman, among the nomads,

it was spacious and pure enough for me to agree to call it home.

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I created an NGO.

For the kids, for women, for the nomads.  

Health projects, education projects, earth projects.

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I refused to learn the language at first. 

I wanted to understand the language of their hearts, not their words…

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My life was the NGO.

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Dancing under the stars…

My bathroom was a wild river…

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Many shocks too. 

A child died in my arms. 

A mother gave birth to a dying baby while I held her hands. 

Children with no teeth and pot bellies because of the lack of food.

I carried a 3 years old out of a truck, back to living in the street at -35 degrees. 

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At the same time, I witnessed so much dignity

despite the extreme conditions.

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Hiking in the snow to see a patient, eagles at the door of a tent.

I loved this life. 

Grateful to meet these men and women from a wild land,

to share their laughter and song,

and to learn from their silence.

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To cope with the heartbreaking moments 

I debriefed via email with my therapist.

And I ran for hours,

jogging in a land where wolves and horses were free.

Yoga kept me balanced as well. 

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I learned a lot from this land and its people,

and I thought I would simply stay there, forever.

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Yet at 30 years old, I had crossed all the items on my to-do-dream list,

and as I found myself literally on the geographic North Pole, ski on my feet,

the thirst for more was still there and the big question:

What now?

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This is when meditation came in my life. 

I fell in love with its depth and its silence.

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Right on time.

Just before my life massively fell apart.​

After a  traumatic event, I had to stop working.

​I touched the bottom of the bottom.

This time, even going to therapy felt unsafe.

Nor could I regain my balance by moving my body.

I was frozen, barely able to go outside.

I could not speak. I could not make sense.

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I shut down all my emails, gave away my computer and my phone.

Pressed pause and disappeared for a while. 

Absolutely in panic most of the time. ​

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Except for one thing.

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I knew meditation could support me.

It required nothing, but myself and a cushion.

It felt safe. And I knew it could bring me in the here and now. 

Far from my overwhelming past, my worrying future, my shame and my terror.

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So that's what I did.

For 10 years, I meditated.

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And there was one big question to answer now:

How the hell did I end up in such a mess?

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​I decided it was time for a deep introspection,

and certainly hours of meditation. 

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After a few meditation's retreats, I was ready to go through deep group therapy's processes, 

which felt safer than being alone with a therapist.

I literally participated to 50 groups' processes in 5 years. 

I felt I had no choice.

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I dived within like I had search the earth,

with the same passion, intensity and thirst.

Supported by my meditation practice. 

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​I faced my wounds, my traumas, my fears, my shortcomings.

Understanding the roots of the mess I had created for myself.

Taking responsibility.

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I met wise teachers.

Found like-minded thirsty seekers.

I learned to trust again.

I learned to walk in the street without looking back. 

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One day, I put on my running shoes again.

One day, I unrolled my yoga mat again.

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I cried the hungry children, the babies gone too soon and the life I had built and lost.

I also discovered the path of the feminine, where I found deep nourishment.

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One day at a time

One meditation at a time.

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I trained as a yoga teacher and as a therapist. 

And I became a meditation facilitator.

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And then.. one day.. 

sitting on my cushion,

guided by one of my teacher,

here it was..

within..

no enlightenment, no big whatever.. 

It was just that I could safely rest within me.. 

​What a relief.

How amusing as well.. 

After searching every corner of the earth, here it was: 

Home

Within my own body. 

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My longing for a life outside of my safe meditation bubble came back,

together with my self-confidence.​

 I now support others on their own journey.​

I did found two answers to my many questions:

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​Wherever you go in the world or within,

there is a lot of love out there, 

and you do love the same at -30 degrees,

in cozy France or in the driest desert. 

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That I know.

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There is another thing I know for sure:

You can heal and stand back up from a lot.

You just need to meet the right people,

to find the right way for you to get better, 

to chose life,

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and to go in.

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Because ultimately all the answers are right there. 

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# Onward